The Calm Before the Storm
I expected fireworks and laser focus. I expected euphoria and some kind of cinematic rush. What I didn’t expect was a giant slap to the face.
I also didn’t expect the anger, the sadness, or the grief. It’s not an instant feeling, but once you take your first ADHD medication, the consensus is just about the same.
I tell anyone who believes they might have ADHD to do two things:
Get tested.
Be ready for the feelings that might come.
You can explain it a thousand different ways, but until they take that first pill, they will never really understand.
The First Dose
I still remember the day I took my first pill. I waited until the weekend to try it, to see how it would make me feel. Imagine taking it at work and you pass out, or your head explodes like when Raiden does his electricity fatality in Mortal Kombat 2. Or worse, what if the thing gives you explosive diarrhea?
So I played it safe. I took it on a beautiful Saturday morning, right before heading out to my nephew’s little league soccer game, then a pee wee baseball game after. For the record, I was there for my nephews, not some random guy at a kids’ game.
On the drive to the soccer field, something started to shift. I felt a calm I had never felt before. All the “noise” was gone. I stepped outside, and for the first time, I felt the sun on my face. I took a deep breath and could feel the cold air moving through my lungs. The grass had never smelled better.
For the first time in my life, I was present. Everything around me stood perfectly still.
The Aftershock
The next few hours were a rollercoaster.
I was sad. Sad that I had spent so much of my life feeling out of place.
I was angry. Angry that no one saw it earlier. Angry that I had to stumble through so much chaos, failed relationships, missed chances, constant frustration, when it could have been managed sooner.
But then came relief.
I was happy that there was finally calm.
Not the fake calm where you’re forcing yourself to act like everything’s fine. The kind that just is. The kind where your brain finally stops tripping over itself.
It wasn’t fireworks after all. It was peace.
Looking Back
That first day changed everything. It didn’t fix me, nothing that simple ever does, but it gave me context. I finally understood that my brain wasn’t broken, it just needed help connecting the dots.
If you’re about to start medication, don’t chase the “focus high.” Watch for the quiet instead. The clarity. The moments where you finally notice the world slowing down enough for you to catch up.
And when the emotions hit, the grief, the anger, the relief, let them. They’re proof that you’re finally seeing yourself clearly.
Getting treated for ADHD isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about meeting the version of you that’s been there all along, waiting for the noise to settle.