Why Fairness Feels So Personal When You Have ADHD
I’ve always had a strong reaction to unfairness.
Someone cuts in line? I can’t just shrug it off.
A coworker takes credit for something I did? I stew about it all day.
Even small things, like getting blamed for something I didn’t do as a kid, still echo in my memory louder than they probably should.
For a long time, I thought I was just being dramatic. Oversensitive. Too emotional.
But I’ve learned something that changed how I see it:
People with ADHD often experience a heightened sensitivity to fairness, big or small, and it’s not about being petty. It’s about how our brains are wired.
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The Rant (Because Let’s Be Real for a Minute)
Something that I don’t see being talked about enough is how people with ADHD *actually* go through feelings of fairness or injustice. It’s not always logical. It’s hard to explain, but I’m gonna try—so bear with me.
Ever have someone tell you a story, like how they were cheated on and suddenly, you’re *furious*? You’re stewing, wishing the cheater the worst. Hoping, with real passion, that something terrible happens to them.
**You’re not even the one who got cheated on. You weren’t involved. This has absolutely NOTHING to do with you.**
And yet, your brain and heart are screaming: *This is wrong. This is NOT FAIR. Screw that person.*
And that emotional dysregulation? It’ll have you thinking about it the entire day. Hell, maybe even weeks.
Not because you’re being dramatic, but because your brain won’t let it go.
And it doesn’t have to be something huge. It could be your kid’s toy getting stolen at the park.
It could be someone cutting in line at Starbucks.
It could be someone skating by at work while you bust your ass.
Your beautiful, justice-loving ADHD brain locks onto it and goes, *“No. Nope. Not okay.”*
It rumbles around in your mind, simmering like a pot about to boil over.
Sometimes you explode. Sometimes, thank God, you don’t.
But either way, you feel it. And it sticks.
Why Does This Happen?
Let’s break it down a bit. Because you’re not crazy, your brain’s just wired differently:
🧠 Emotional Dysregulation
People with ADHD often experience emotions more intensely and for longer periods. That makes the “small stuff” feel massive. The reaction might not match the event, but it *matches how it feels* to you.
💥 Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD)
This isn’t just about romantic rejection. It’s about feeling dismissed, overlooked, or disrespected. When something unfair happens (even to someone else), your brain interprets it as *deeply personal*. Because to you, it is.
🔄 Looping Thoughts and Injustice “Replays”
We can ruminate like it’s a sport. ADHD brains don’t always switch gears easily, especially when something felt *morally wrong*. The unfair moment becomes a loop, stuck on repeat until it burns out, or gets replaced by the next injustice.
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How to Handle It (Without Shoving It Down or Blowing Up)
If any of that felt way too familiar, here are some strategies that *don’t involve suppressing who you are:
Pause and name it.
Tell yourself, “This feels unfair, and my brain is reacting hard to that.” It sounds simple, but it’s powerful.
-Move your body. Seriously, ADHD emotions are physical. Go for a walk. Do ten pushups. Shake it off.
-Write it down. Sometimes putting your thoughts on paper helps them stop bouncing around your skull like a pinball.
-Talk it out with someone who gets it.Validation from someone who doesn’t tell you to “just let it go” is everything.
-Channel it. Use that fire to advocate, help others, or even write posts like this. Turn the rage into purpose.
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You’re Not Overreacting. You’re Wired to Care.
If you’ve ever been told you’re “too sensitive,” “too intense,” or “making a big deal out of nothing,” I want you to know something:
You’re not too much. You’re *not* broken.
You just feel things more. And fairness matters to you, not because you’re being dramatic, but because you want the world to be a little better, a little kinder, a little more just.
That’s not weakness. That’s strength, wrapped in a mind that doesn’t always know where to put it.
And if your brain holds onto the small stuff like it’s life or death? Welcome to the club. You’re not alone.