When someone expresses interest in me, whether it’s a compliment, a crush, or just something kind, I don’t feel flattered. I feel… cringe.
Like I’ve just been caught doing something wrong.
It’s not that I don’t want to be liked. I do. I crave connection. I want to feel seen. But the moment someone actually doessee something good in me?
My brain panics.
Like, “No no no, that’s not how this works. I’m not the person people are supposed to like.”
Compliments don’t land, they feel fake. Suspicious. Like the person must be lying, or mistaken, or just being polite. And I hate that. Because I want to believe it. I want to absorb it. I just… can’t.
The Real Reason?
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD).
If you’ve read any of my previous posts, you know I’ve mentioned it before, but this time I want to really dig into it.
RSD is when your brain is wired to:
interpret neutral stuff as negative
discount positive stuff as unreal
and amplify negative stuff like it’s breaking news
So when someone says something kind? Your brain goes:
“They don’t mean that.”
And when someone doesn’t say anything?
“They probably don’t like me.”
And when someone says something actually negative?
“CONFIRMED. I suck.”
It’s like trying to live with a broken emotional GPS, it never tells you when you’re on the right track, and constantly reroutes you through every insecurity you’ve ever had.
This Is Why It’s So Easy to Believe the Worst
My brain is so quick to tell me:
I’m ugly
I’m not attractive
I’m not smart
I’m not creative
I’m boring
I’m too much
I’m not enough
I’m a fraud
And even though I know it’s not true… I still believe it more than I believe the exact opposite. When someone appreciates me? When they say something kind? It feels like a setup.
Like they’re being nice, but they don’t mean it.
When I initially thought about creating this blog, my mind went back and forth.
Should I even do this?
Would anyone care? Would people think I’m being fake, or trying too hard, or that I don’t even know what I’m talking about?
I don’t know why I doubted it, I have a lifelong’s worth of ADHD experience. I live this. And I know I’m not the only one who feels this way.
But when you have ADHD, one single spark of a thought can set the whole system spinning. What starts as “maybe I’ll start a blog” can turn into “who do you think you are?” real fast.
Still, I pushed through. Because I want to create something that explains the actual inner experience of ADHD, not just “you’re so distractible” or “you can’t sit still.”
I want to talk about how it feels, and maybe help someone else realize they’re not broken, either.
So yeah. Sometimes when someone says they like me or admire me, I flinch.
Not because I don’t want to be liked.
But because I don’t know how to receive it without my brain pulling the fire alarm.
I’m trying to change that.
Trying to catch the lies when they come in loud.
Trying to let the good stuff through the filter..slowly, awkwardly, but intentionally.
Because maybe they’re not lying.
Maybe I’m not a fraud.
Maybe I’m not too much.
Maybe I’m just someone learning how to accept being liked without running from it.